Hottie with 18 Charisma, +7 damroll

hottieTwo pastorals of Oscar Wao:

“Our hero was not one of those Dominican cats everybody’s always going on about – he wasn’t no home-run hitter or a fly bachatero, not a playboy with a million hots on his jock. And except for one period early in his life, dude never had much luck with the females (how very un-Dominican of him).

“In those blessed days of his youth, Oscar was something of a Casanova. One of those preschool loverboys who was always trying to kiss the girls, always coming up behind them during a merengue and giving them the pelvic pump, the first nigger to learn the perrito and the one who danced it any chance he got.

But poor Oscar, when he got into college, after he morphed, his luck with the ladies ran way, way out:

“When it came to the mujeres my roommate was like no one on the planet. On the one hand, he had the worse case of no-toto-itis I’d ever seen. The last person to even come close was this poor Salvadoran kid I knew in high school who was burned all over his face, couldn’t get no girls ever because he looked like the Phantom of the Opera. Well: Oscar had it worse than him. At least Jeffrey could claim an honest medical condition. What could Oscar claim? That it was Sauron’s fault? Dude weighed 307 pounds, for fuck’s sake! Talked like a Star Trek computer! The real irony was that you never met a kid who wanted a girl so fucking bad. I mean, shit, I thought I was into females, but no one, and I mean no one, was into them the way Oscar was. Homes had it bad; couldn’t so much as see a cute girl without breaking into shakes. Oscar’s idea of G was to talk about role-playing games! My favorite was the day on the E bus when he informed some hot morena, If you were in my game I would give you an eighteen Charisma!

from Junot Diaz’s first novel (FYI 2008′s Pulitzer winner) The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
From Riverhead Books, $24.95

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